My (F33) fiancé (M34) revealed to me that he has a child with another woman. How do I process this?

A 33-year-old woman, currently six months into her pregnancy and planning to marry her 34-year-old fiancé, has learned that he has been keeping a significant secret from her: he fathered a one-year-old daughter with another woman. Throughout their relationship, he maintained the deception by claiming to be at the gym or away on business whenever he was actually spending time with his child.

The disclosure made her feel deceived, distraught, and uncertain of how to handle everything. To make matters worse, he now desires to instantly include his daughter in their lives, which is additionally upsetting her perception of their family structure.

‘ My (F33) fiancé (M34) revealed to me that he has a child with another woman. How do I process this?’

I’ve been together with my fiancé for a year and three months and am now six months along in my pregnancy. I’m aware that we progressed quickly with our engagement and pregnancy. I recognize that it wasn’t the most sensible choice, but it felt appropriate back then.

Although we’ve had our disagreements, overall everything felt right, and we were both eagerly anticipating the arrival of our child. Yesterday, my fiancé initiated a serious conversation with me.

He expressed deep regret for his delayed disclosure, admitting his fear of my potential departure and his own embarrassment. He acknowledged my possible decision to leave following his revelation. He then confessed to having a child with his former partner.

They were a couple for eight years in the past, but reconnected a few years later, engaged in unprotected sex, and she became unintentionally pregnant. They did not reconcile afterward, but she chose to continue the pregnancy. He began a relationship with another person, which ended, and subsequently he encountered me.

Right around the time we began seeing each other, our daughter was born, as she is one year and three months old. We’d been together for approximately a fortnight when he informed me he needed to travel for business for a week, but in reality, he was at the hospital for the birth of his daughter.

He informed me that he frequents the gym nearly daily, spending approximately three hours there. However, he has also been using that time to visit his daughter. The child’s mother is unaware of his engagement to me and my pregnancy. He claims that such topics are never discussed between them.

She has also unfriended me on Facebook, despite my never attempting to reach out. He informed me that she wishes to remain completely unaware of my existence and that she likely desires a relationship with him, although he does not reciprocate those feelings.

I inquired why she continued to harbor feelings for him, given his explicit disinterest in a relationship and the two-year gap since their “casual encounter.” His response was, “I don’t know, I suppose I’m just that amazing.” I’m struggling to comprehend this situation.

My fiancé expressed relief after his confession. He acknowledged my need for time to contemplate the matter, yet he also stated that his patience isn’t infinite regarding my decision on the future of our relationship.

He had hoped I would get acquainted with his daughter today, but I declined, feeling it was premature. Subsequently, he acquired diapers and other necessities in anticipation of her visit. He then inquired whether I would be prepared to meet her the following day.

We haven’t acquired many items for the baby’s room yet, but now he’s unexpectedly eager to quickly purchase a crib for the nursery, hoping his daughter can sleep over before the baby arrives.

Feeling burdened by the amount of information I need to absorb, and also heartbroken that the baby room I was designing will now be shared. This isn’t the way I envisioned welcoming my firstborn. I’m curious to hear your perspectives on this. Has anyone else experienced something similar? I’m looking for advice on how to cope and proceed.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

jabagray123 −  All red flags “I’m that great”??? bro get over yourself. I think you need to find a way to reach out to his ex to confirm his story. It’s all pretty convenient. That you CAN’T reach out to her and that he was already “broken up” when you guys met but she was still pregnant.

It’s quite opportune that he found the nerve to disclose this to you now that terminating the pregnancy is no longer an option. His actions suggest he might be attempting to coerce you into having the child. While I can’t say for certain, I strongly urge you to contact his former partner, as there’s undoubtedly more to this narrative. Edit: Sarcastic remark included.

Tiny_Ad_6951 −  Christ. This is why you don’t have a child with someone you barely know. He lied to you for ENTIRE relationship, now he knows you’re trapped in a pregnancy too late to abort (convenient timing on his end). No advice, do better for your kid.

DramaticImpression85 −  So it was not just a lie of omission, he lied when the baby was born and then every time he went “to the gym”. He waited till you were 6 months pregnant then dropped this bombshell and is then is pushing for “visitation” without giving you the time and space to come to terms with all this.

He asserts that his fear was your potential departure. However, by keeping the information hidden until this point, he prevented you from making your own choice. He deprived you of that agency, and now the choice revolves around ending the relationship and navigating single parenthood.

NorthernLitUp −  He wants you to be a babysitter for his kid when he’s 100% still sleeping with his ex. Tell him his kid can come to your house AFTER you meet the mama in person. Watch how quickly he tries to squirm out of that. You need to find and talk to this woman. He’s lying to both of you.

kimmysharma −  Why would the ex be okay with her daughter spending nights with you guys if she doesn’t want to know anything about you?

WildlifePolicyChick −  Your ‘fiance’ is a terrible person. My advice is, don’t marry someone who DENIES THE EXISTENCE OF HIS CHILDREN. Your relationship, such as it is, is built on sand.

La_Baraka6431 −  I don’t think she’s an EX. Also, he’s an **arrogant a**hole** who I also suspect **baby-trapped** you.. **D**P HIM**.

jamicam −  Even if you let all this slide, there is no way your relationship will last long-term. He is not capable of being a good partner. He’s a l**r. He kept the truth from you so that you would not be able to make your own decision of whether you wanted to date someone who just had a baby with someone else.

He chose that path for you. He then lied throughout your relationship. Now, he’s pushing you to accept everything and welcome his daughter as if you’re one big happy family. Don’t marry him. I’m so sorry you chose to have a child with someone who lacks integrity and responsibility.

RVAMeg −  Trust me, it’s not that he’s “that great”. He’s a l**r and a manipulator. He wants built in child care. I’d bolt.

Ok-Willow-9145 −  Have you asked yourself why he told you all of this now? What’s changed? Why does he suddenly need to have his daughter come to your place after all this time? He told you about the child one day and 24 hours later you’re supposed to be hosting sleepovers.

He is continuing to deceive you. Leave him without delay. It would take a sociopathic individual to maintain such massive fabrications over an extended period. Also, the woman who bore his child might actually be his spouse. This could explain why he restricted your access to her Facebook profile. It might be wise to reach out to her through an alternative channel.

If you know her name see if she’s on linked in or another app. They might have finally broken up recently. That could be the truth that he’s been hiding.
This guy doesn’t care about you. He’s a serial impregnator. He gets women pregnant to maintain a connection to them. I’m sorry you are tied to him in that way.