AITA for demanding my wife stops wearing thongs because “only single girls wear them to feel s**y”
Welcome back, dear readers, to another deep dive into the sometimes bewildering world of relationships and the delicate balance of personal autonomy versus perceived marital expectations. Today's submission brings us face-to-face with a dilemma that, on the surface, might seem trivial, but actually cuts right to the core of respect, trust, and individual freedom within a partnership. It's a classic tale of 'my spouse wants me to change for them.'
We're talking about intimate apparel, personal style, and whether a partner has the right to dictate what another wears, especially something as private as underwear. This particular scenario involves a husband who has some very strong, and arguably outdated, opinions about what constitutes 'appropriate' attire for a married woman. Let's unpack the situation and see if our OP is truly out of line, or if there's a kernel of truth to his perspective.
"AITA for demanding my wife stops wearing thongs because “only single girls wear them to feel s**y”"
So, my partner and I have been together for five years, married for two. Things are generally good, but we've had a few disagreements lately, mostly about small things. However, something big just blew up, and I'm genuinely trying to understand if I'm the problem here. It started innocently enough, or so I thought.
My partner was getting ready for work the other morning, and I happened to notice what they were wearing under their clothes. It was a thong. Now, this isn't a new thing, they've worn them before, but for some reason, this time it just really bothered me. I guess I'd always just kind of ignored it, but seeing it, I just blurted out, "Hey, why are you still wearing those?" My partner looked confused, asking what I meant. I tried to explain that in my head, those sorts of things are for when you're single and trying to attract someone. For a married person, especially my partner, it just felt… off. I told them I didn't think it was appropriate anymore, and that I'd prefer if they just stopped wearing them.
My partner’s face just dropped. They looked hurt, then angry. They asked me what exactly I thought they were doing, and if I thought they were trying to attract other people. I clarified that it wasn't about *other* people, but that it just seemed like an outfit choice for a single person. That it didn't feel right for someone in a committed marriage. I tried to explain that I felt like married people should dress a certain way, even underneath their clothes, to reflect their committed status. That it was about respecting our marriage and me.
That's when things really went south. My partner got really upset, saying it was their body and their choice, and that I had no right to dictate their underwear. They said they wore them because they found them comfortable and felt good in them, not for anyone else. I countered with the argument that "only single girls wear them to feel s**y," and that being married meant that kind of s****ness should be reserved for me, not for general self-expression. They called me controlling and insecure. I told them they were being dramatic. Now we're not speaking. I feel like I'm just looking out for our marriage, but they're making me out to be some kind of villain. AITA?
This post dives headfirst into a very common, yet often contentious, area of relationships: personal autonomy versus partner expectations. From the outset, the original poster (OP) clearly articulates a specific discomfort with their partner's choice of underwear. While his feelings of discomfort are his own to experience, the way he has chosen to express and act upon them is where the core conflict lies.
The demand that his partner stop wearing thongs immediately raises red flags concerning control and respect. His partner's body, and the clothing choices they make for it—especially intimate apparel—are fundamentally their own. Expecting or demanding a partner to alter their personal style or comfort to fit one's own subjective standards often signifies a deeper issue within the relationship dynamics.
The OP's reasoning, that "only single girls wear them to feel s**y," is particularly problematic. This statement not only stereotypes women and their clothing choices but also implies that once a person is married, their right to feel sexy for themselves, or to express their personal style, somehow diminishes. It suggests that a married person's s****ness should solely be for their spouse, rather than an internal feeling of confidence and self-appreciation.
Ultimately, this situation boils down to communication, trust, and boundaries. Instead of making demands, a healthier approach would involve exploring the root cause of the OP's insecurity and communicating any anxieties without resorting to controlling behavior. A relationship thrives on mutual respect and understanding, allowing both partners the freedom to be themselves, while openly addressing concerns.
Underwear Wars: The Internet Weighs In!
The comments section for this post was, as expected, a fiery battleground of opinions, though a clear consensus quickly emerged. Many users pointed out the glaring issues with the husband's demands, highlighting the fundamental right to bodily autonomy. The idea that a married person loses the right to choose their underwear or express their personal s****ness for themselves struck a major nerve with our readers.
While a few tried to see the husband's perspective, suggesting he might be feeling insecure, the overwhelming sentiment was that his approach was entirely wrong. The phrase "only single girls wear them to feel s**y" was widely condemned as sexist and controlling. Most comments emphasized that feeling good in one's own skin, regardless of relationship status, is a personal choice and not an invitation for a partner's dictates.
This particular AITA case serves as a stark reminder that true partnership means respecting each other's individuality and personal choices. While insecurities can arise, they should be communicated with vulnerability and handled with care, not with demands and control. A healthy relationship allows both partners to feel comfortable, confident, and free to express themselves, even down to their underwear. Open, non-judgmental dialogue, rather than ultimatums, is always the path to a stronger, more trusting bond. Let's remember to champion autonomy and mutual respect above all else.
