AITAH For Cutting A Date Shortly After I Asked A Question She Didn’t Like?

A 34-year-old man recalls a date he had in Istanbul with a Turkish woman, which ended prematurely after he inquired about the Turkish economy. He was taken aback when she reacted to his question by calling it unsuitable and implying that he was insinuating his superiority. Uncomfortable with how upset she became over what he considered a small matter, he said he was sorry, settled the bill, and departed. He is currently questioning whether he was excessive in ending the date or if his choice was reasonable.

‘ AITAH For Cutting A Date Shortly After I Asked A Question She Didn’t Like?’

I’m a 34-year-old male, and she’s a 29-year-old female. My line of work occasionally requires me to travel overseas for work, placing me in various cities and countries for a few months at a time.

Some time back, I spent three months in Istanbul, Turkey. During this period, I had the opportunity to meet a Turkish woman, and we decided to go on a date. We chose a sophisticated restaurant for dinner, known for its romantic ambiance, excellent service, and top-notch cuisine. The date started positively as we introduced ourselves and delved into meaningful conversations, exploring various subjects concerning each other’s lives.

At one juncture, the girl began to discuss an event in her own life, remarking along the lines of, “…and this is due to the fact that Turkey is experiencing a high rate of inflation, and the Lira is suffering from a dysfunctional exchange rate.”

To keep the discussion going, I simply asked “has your economy been struggling like this for a while or is it a new thing, and what’s the reason behind it?”. And here I could see a change in the girl’s face, and she answered me with some sort of a stern “you are an educated man, you could have searched that yourself, why are you asking me to explain you this?”!

Her response took me aback. My inquiry was sincere and made in good faith, and I’m unsure what the issue was. Consequently, I told her, “I apologize if I caused offense; I simply posed a straightforward question relevant to the subject you’re addressing. I’m new here and genuinely unfamiliar with Turkey’s economic situation.”

As a foreigner from another nation, the Turkish economy and its related news were of no interest to me, as they had no bearing on my personal circumstances. I was taken aback when the girl became visibly irritated and questioned why I was implying that my life was superior to theirs in Turkey.

This was the moment everything changed for me. I realized this woman came across as bitter and confrontational, seemingly looking for arguments without any real cause. It felt like she was determined to make things worse, regardless of my response.

If a routine news item provokes such anger in her, resulting in an irrational attack on me, I wonder how she’d react in a committed relationship if I did something she disliked, even something minor like forgetting groceries. Would she yell and curse? Throw things? Hit me? Just imagining these possibilities makes me recoil.

So I told her “I’m so sorry this topic has made you angry. Nothing I said was meant to offend you or hurt your feelings in any way. But, I’m sorry I don’t think there would be any sort of connection or understanding between us. I will excuse myself and leave you to enjoy your dinner. Have a good night.” and I stood up from the table, went to pay for the dinner and left the restaurant. Was I the a**hole for ending the date early and leaving her alone?

EDIT: I’ve noticed some bewilderment in the comments, with individuals presuming I am from the United States, and some even criticizing Americans as a result. I am not an American citizen. Additionally, I regret if my writing seemed unconvincing to some; English is not my first language.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Fishvv −  NTA and at least you went and paid.

ultrasker −  Hey OP. Turkish man here. ‘Trying to pick fight for no reason’ lol. A lot of Turkish people do that. Sorry.

pwolf1771 −  The people assuming OP is an American. Did you even read the entire post? NTA you have her an opportunity to teach you something about her home and instead she got defensive. She also probably didn’t have a good answer because all she knows are talking points she’s been parroting and has no actual insight. Either way good call getting out of there, this is why I can’t do dinner on a first date I’ve got to feel them out a little before I’ll invest in something like that.

Gr8danedog −  She has a chip on her shoulder. You are NTAH.

Subjective_Box −  NTA. Take it as a learning experience in international communication. You have a perspective that’s broader than average and feels natural but not everyone gets to live that. And I’ve definitely encountered something similar. I’ve lived in 3 countries over the past 5 years, and as a foreigner in most conversations it unintentionally puts you on completely different footing before you even know it.

Completely benign comments that are just small talk in one place don’t fly in a new situation. My kryptonite happened to be discussing food you’re getting as you’re ordering and adding relevant comments about stuff you tried or enjoyed before. I did it out of habit in the way I would do it normally and kept being called “negative” or judgemental. Pissing off people on the spot. And I just couldn’t figure out time after time what I said wrong or even implied as negative?!

People generally perceived me as “well-traveled,” which they interpreted as boastful. This made them feel unsure about whether their local products would measure up, automatically assuming that any difference meant inferiority. This assumption stemmed from a broader cultural insecurity about their country’s standing on the world stage. Strange, but true.

returnofTurk −  As a Turk, I can say NTA. Lately, we’ve been getting emotional/sensetive about the economy. I remember a few months ago, I met a tourist from Germany through a mutual friend, and he kept talking about how ‘he gave 100 euros and got a ton of paper back,’ laughing as he said it. For some reason, I got offended and told him to stop calling it ‘paper.’ It’s Turkish lira, that’s what it’s called in English. He got scared because I sounded way angrier than I actually was, and then I felt bad for scaring him and giving strong reaction, especially in front of his girlfriend.

Your_Daddy_1972 −  NTA. You were polite and even paid so I see no reason to sit there awkwardly for the rest of the meal.

Aelonh −  NTA. I am not excusing her behaviour, she went crazy there, but I think I can explain the behaviour: Everybody is talking about the economy every day in Turkey. Politicians say one thing and do another, and economy gets worse. Foreigners ask about the economy first thing when they meet Turkish people. It has been the headline everyday, especially for the last few years. It’s like someone forcing mushy peas down your throat and just keeps pushing in more. Everybody is sick of the economy and people cannot do much, they are tired emotionally.

She probably had those feelings bottled up and unfortunately took it out on an innocent bystander. Your inquiry is completely valid, but I believe that constant economic debates with others (especially the older generation, who are known for making ridiculous and offensive statements about the economy) have made Turkish people significantly more irritable towards one another and the world at large.

hardlyevatoodrunktof −  NTA. You paid and dodged a bullet.

PizzaWorldly4359 −  NTA. She didn’t know the answer to your question, so she became defensive to cover up her weakness. You did the right thing by leaving her there. She will react the same way to anything that triggers her weaknesses and insecurities. Find a mature, secure, intelligent woman.