AITA for making my stepson walk on his engagement night?

A man describes a difficult situation that arose on his stepson’s engagement night when he forced his stepson and a friend to exit his vehicle after they harassed a woman in a parking area. This action led to a major disagreement with his wife, who felt he responded too harshly. As a result, his stepson is now not communicating with him, and the family is split. Was the man justified in his actions, or did he make things worse than they needed to be? The full account is detailed below.

‘ AITA for making my stepson walk on his engagement night?’

TheOtherWoman

The title might seem off-putting, but please listen to what I have to say. My 23-year-old stepson, Rowan, recently got engaged. His fiancee comes from a very traditional family, and they’ve decided to wait until after their wedding to live together. They get along wonderfully. However, her parents can be a handful. The engagement celebration took place at a restaurant. I drove my wife, Rowan, and his close friend Jack to the venue because Rowan’s vehicle was temporarily out of service. The event went smoothly, and everyone eventually returned home.

On the return trip, I needed to make a quick stop at the store to pick up an item for our 16-year-old son. Rowan, Jack, and I waited in the vehicle. Rowan and Jack were constantly giggling, and then a young woman approached us because her vehicle was parked beside mine in the parking area. Rowan persisted in attempting to converse with her as she attempted to load her belongings into the car. He and Jack continued to shout comments at her, and she appeared irritated.

Jack then remarked, “He’s just trying to get a peek at her butt,” and Rowan followed with, “Let’s see that thing shake, darling.” I was shocked and told them to stop it. Rowan then sarcastically retorted, “Chill out, I was just paying her a compliment; I bet she doesn’t receive many of those.” The woman entered her car, and I began to argue with him about his conduct, expressing my embarrassment at his behavior on his engagement night. He retorted with a remark about my car, which caused me to explode.

I told him to leave right away, and when Jack intervened, I threw him out as well. My wife returned and joined the dispute, insisting that I couldn’t let her son walk home from his engagement party. I responded that her son shouldn’t be harassing women on his way back from his engagement party, but she continued to defend him. I told her to either stay or get in the car. She got in, and I drove away.

Rowan was a no-show at home, and my wife unloaded on me because of it. We eventually learned he was crashing at a buddy’s house. As I gather, he’s angry with me and won’t meet with me. My wife is saying I’m to blame, that I blew up over some ridiculous stuff that guys his age are always doing.

I informed her that he wasn’t allowed to behave that way in my vehicle, but she misinterpreted it as me using it to control him. She argued that I shouldn’t have made him walk on the night of his engagement and insisted I should apologize to him. Was I wrong to kick him and his friend out of the car on his engagement night?

See what others had to share with OP:

PattersonsOlady −  Calling s**ual harassment “stupid boy s**t” is how rape culture is created and maintained. I am proud of you. You stood up for decency and respect in the community. I truly wish more people held their sons accountable and attempted to train them in the same way.. NTA.

sagehoe −  NTA. OH MY GOD. first of all, I am scared for Rowan’s to be wife. OP you are not in the wrong. My wife said it was my fault, I escalated the situation ober some stupid s**t boys his age do all the time. No guy I know does this s**t. No one should have to put up with this. Please PLEASE do not apologize. You’re in the clear, I wish we had more people like you who didn’t tolerate and spoke up.

derfel_cadern −  NTA. Your step-son and his friend are creeps. Your wife is enabling s**tty behavior.

Evil_Mel −  NTA. He was s**ually harassing a woman and that is never right. You stood up for your beliefs and women, sadly your wife seems to give him a pass on his behavior and it’s likely why he acted like that. He has no respect for women, it appears. It’s your car, and you were doing him a favor.

Wrecks128 −  NTA. He deserved his call out. Feel free to warn his future wife he was creeping on other women the night he got engaged (cause that’s not 🚩 at all /s)

whynousernamelef −  Nta. So it’s wrong to have s** before marriage but it’s OK to s**ually harass random women? The boy needs his head examined because he’s not making sense. How would he feel if someone treated his fiancee like that? You did the right thing and anyone who says otherwise is crazy! Has he ever acted like that in front of you before? Bravo to you.

[Reddit User] −  Not the a**hole and I would be reconsidering my place in that family if I were you. For a woman to boys will be boys a situation like that is deeply disturbing.

DepressedOpossum −  NTA. SERIOUSLY?! I would have kicked my “adult” son out of the car simply for S**UALLY HARASSING a stranger, because that is, IN FACT, what he did!! The whole engagement thing is just icing on the cake! I am -furious- with how your wife is handling this! Seriously? Kids that age do it all the time?! Well DUH, that’s the issue though isn’t it?! That kids do that because parents like your wife pat them on the back about it!

In reply to: I bet that if your wife would have been the one cat called on she would have demanded you do something about it!!! I “cannot” believe her. This is either sexism and bad parenting if she truly believes what he did was ok, or powerplay because he is her biological child and you’re his step parent, which if true, is m**ipulative. Parenting cannot be judged upon whether there is biology or not involved. What you did was either right or wrong. Can’t let “HER” son walk?! Oh, I’m sorry, I guess when things are good he’s “our” problem but when I scold him his “your” son? ok then.

I’m certain she’d insist you intervene if the cat had targeted her daughter! I am astounded by her reaction. If she genuinely thinks his behavior was acceptable, it indicates sexism or poor parenting. Alternatively, it could be a power struggle stemming from him being her biological child and you being his stepparent, which would be manipulative. Parental judgment should not depend on biological connections. Your actions were either justified or not. He is not allowed to walk because he is “HER” son? Ah, my mistake; I suppose when things are going well, he’s “our” responsibility, but when I discipline him, he becomes “your” son? I understand now.

If she were a decent mother at that moment, she would have ripped him to shreds for what he did to that woman, and AFTER that, she could have argued about not leaving them to walk home. That would be understandable. Dismissing s**ual harassment as acceptable just because she didn’t want her son walking home is absurd! I commend you for defending that woman!

andiemly −  Nta. I had to double check your stepson’s age because he sounds like a childish teenager, but he’s a grown adult apparently. God help his future wife. Sounds like she’s marrying a misogynistic turd.

TrustedTriangle −  NTA. Some stupid s**t boys his age do all the time. Um, no. The a**hole ones? Yea.