AITA for telling my daughter [26F] that I [55M] will not walk down the aisle with her stepdad [50M].

A Reddit user shared a tense situation with his daughter leading up to her wedding. He’s upset that she wants both him and her stepdad to walk her down the aisle, despite initially promising that he would have that honor alone.

The OP feels it’s unfair, as he is her biological father, and he resents the close bond she developed with her stepdad over the years. After refusing to share this moment, he told his daughter he wouldn’t attend the wedding if her stepdad walked her down the aisle. Now, he’s wondering if he’s being petty or justified in his reaction. Invite people to read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my daughter [26F] that I [55M] will not walk down the aisle with her stepdad [50M].’

My spouse and I separated when my daughter was six. As I was occupied with a demanding work schedule of 50 hours per week, my wife primarily had parental responsibilities. She soon started a relationship with someone seven years her junior.

I was aware, based on numerous accounts, that my daughter would likely develop a stronger connection with him than with me. This was due to our severely restricted time together, coupled with his role as a stay-at-home father, affording them ample opportunity to forge a close bond. This realization continues to distress me.

This might seem childish, but I made her swear to never refer to her stepfather as “dad,” insisting that I was her sole father and that she shouldn’t deceive me. However, I can’t dictate their actions at home. Now, as I foresaw, she’s clearly developed a stronger bond with her stepfather than with me.

She got engaged roughly a year back. Now that her wedding is only a month or so away, she has suddenly informed me that she wants both myself and her stepfather to escort her down the aisle, despite her previous promise that I would be the one to do it. Although I am aware of their close relationship, I feel that he does not have the right to walk my biological daughter down the aisle.

It is unjust that he had more time with my daughter than I did, her biological father, and now he wants to steal this moment from me. I am her only father. I became upset and told her that I would not share an honor meant for me, the bride’s real father, with someone I hardly know.

She recounted all the ways he supported her during her childhood, suggesting I’m fixating on a trivial matter from the past. I responded that I wouldn’t debate the issue and that if she desires her stepfather to escort her, she’s free to do so, but I will not be present.

A friend who frequents this site mentioned that numerous individuals have likely encountered similar situations with their children or parents. Consequently, I am interested in gathering diverse viewpoints on whether it is unreasonable for me to desire the exclusive privilege of escorting my sole daughter down the aisle.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

[Reddit User] −  YTA – It’s HER day and you’re already ruining s**t.

cpumaxhi −  YTA. My own dad did this selfish s**t to me and our relationship has never been the same. You made your daughter promise to be loyal to you? What kind of sick s**t is that to put on your child? Since becoming a parent myself, and a divorced one at that who has secondary custody, I love ANYONE who loves my child. How blessed your daughter would have been to have two amazing fathers by her side — but you’re too f**king wrapped in your own g**damn ego for her to have that.

rishcast −  YTA, and you’ve clearly been one all her life.

You coerced a six-year-old into a commitment, then used it to control her, consistently bringing it up throughout her life.

You’re clearly upset that your ex moved on and remarried, thinking that increased time spent together automatically equates to a closer relationship. That’s not necessarily true; intimacy can exist without constant togetherness. The real problem arises when you become resentful and constantly speak negatively about others in your life. Children are perceptive. She understood your actions, and as she matured and recognized your bitterness, her feelings were understandably influenced by your manipulation.

You are turning the only day that is certainly focused on her into a day about you. You are making her pick between people, so don’t be shocked if she picks the person who raised her with affection, instead of resentment.

The act of a bride being escorted by both her biological father and stepfather can be an incredibly touching experience: https://www.today.com/parents/dad-surprises-stepdad-daughters-wedding-both-walking bride-down-aisle-t46981

Given how you’ve acted since your breakup, I trust your daughter will pick the man who has truly nurtured her. Moreover, I anticipate she’ll grant him the paternal recognition he rightfully earns, surpassing your claim. Biological connection alone doesn’t define fatherhood, and your message unequivocally demonstrates this. You’re in the wrong.

[Reddit User] −  Am I the only one who is seething in anger because of this guy? The audacity that he even asked this question. I feel so bad for his daughter for having such a s**tty, petty excuse for a father.

lost-cannuck −  YTA – stop being so petty. Your daughter was fortunate enough to have a step father that was active in her life. He is an addition not a replacement. She wants to acknowledge BOTH of you. If you want to stomp your feet and have a temper tantrum you will more than likely be given a seat to watch her walk down the aisle with him. If you want to be a part of her life, your actions should reflect that. Grow up.

Ormskirk360 −  YTA. The only person to blame for you not spending more time with your daughter is YOU. You chose work over your daughter. It’s not surprising she has grown to love someone that has pretty much helped to raise her and has been there for her, and it’s unfair of you to expect to be HER number 1, when you didn’t make her YOUR number 1.

She expects your presence at her wedding; it is a day dedicated to her, not you. Her desire is for both her fathers to accompany her down the aisle. Endure it, demonstrate to your daughter that her desires take precedence over your own for this special occasion, and share in her happiness. Refusing to attend, in my opinion, could create a rift in your relationship that may be irreparable.

livelotus −  YTA. It really takes a village to raise a child and this man treated your daughter as his own and helped foster a healthy home environment for her. Holy familial alienation on your behalf. You’re literally choosing yourself over your child being healthy and happy. What you went through sucks, but this is her day and you’re kind of ruining it.

It’s unfair to expect her to manage your envy during her wedding. The reality that she desires to include everyone who supported her development in her wedding demonstrates how remarkably she has matured.

Opt to view the situation from a different perspective. Instead, feel thankful that she benefits from a familial environment where numerous individuals have encouraged her progress. I, on the other hand, grew up without any paternal figures, as every man who entered my life ultimately abandoned, hurt, or both. I would have deeply valued having many expressions of affection in my existence.

[Reddit User] −  YTA at the end of the day it’s her choice. Be happy that she hasn’t chosen him over you. Family is who is there for you, not blood. Man up, shoulder your pride and do it for her because this other dude obviously means a lot to her and digging in your heels will drive a wedge in your relationship.

BaggiraBaggy −  YTA. Walking your daughter down the aisle is a **privilege** not a **right**

griffinwalsh −  YTA. Your not her only farther. This is her day. Get over yourself.

What course of action would you take in this instance? Do you believe the father’s desire to escort his daughter down the aisle by himself is reasonable, or should he divide the privilege with her stepfather? Let us know what you think in the comments!