AITA for secretly liking my ex’s posts just to make my wife jealous and “keep the spark alive”?

Oh, relationships! They start with fireworks, endless passion, and constant attention, but as time marches on, the comfortable routine often settles in. Many couples find themselves wondering how to keep that initial spark alive, trying everything from surprise dates to new hobbies together. The quest for rekindling romance is a tale as old as time, and countless articles, books, and podcasts are dedicated to the topic, offering advice on how to maintain intimacy and excitement in long-term partnerships.

But what happens when one partner decides to take an unconventional, and frankly, questionable, approach to reigniting that flame? Today's AITA story brings us a dilemma that dives deep into the murky waters of manipulation and misguided intentions. Our anonymous poster believed they had a genius plan to make their partner feel more engaged, but it involved a former flame and a dash of calculated jealousy. Let's unravel this complicated situation.

"AITA for secretly liking my ex’s posts just to make my wife jealous and “keep the spark alive”?"

My wife and I have been together for several years, married for a good portion of that time. When we first started dating, and even in the early years of our marriage, things were incredibly passionate. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, and there was this undeniable energy between us. Over time, as often happens, life settled into a comfortable routine. We still love each other deeply, but the intense spark has definitely dimmed, replaced by a cozy, almost predictable warmth.

I missed the early days when she'd get a little possessive, a little flirty, whenever she sensed another woman might be interested in me. It sounds silly, but that jealousy, when it was mild, always seemed to make her more attentive and affectionate. I started thinking about how to bring that back, to shake things up a bit. And then, an idea, perhaps not my best, began to form. I decided to try and subtly stir up a little of that old jealousy, specifically targeting an old ex of mine who occasionally popped up on my social media feed.

I started by just liking a few really old, innocuous posts, thinking it was a harmless way to test the waters, a little nudge to remind her what she had. When nothing happened, I got a bit bolder. I started liking more recent posts, still not commenting or messaging, just the occasional 'like' on photos or status updates from my ex. I did it secretly, of course, usually when my wife was asleep or in another room, scrolling through my feed.

My wife eventually noticed. It wasn't an explosive confrontation, but more of a quiet, bewildered question one evening. She asked me, almost hesitantly, why I was suddenly so active on my ex's profile. She said she'd seen a few notifications pop up on her own feed, or maybe saw my phone screen once or twice. She didn't seem jealous in the way I'd anticipated; instead, she looked genuinely confused and a little hurt.

I, in my infinite wisdom, tried to explain that I was just trying to 'keep things interesting' and 'bring back some of the old spark.' I clumsily admitted that I thought a little jealousy might make her more attentive. The look on her face immediately shifted from confusion to deep disappointment and anger. She accused me of being manipulative and disrespectful, saying I actively tried to hurt her feelings and betray her trust, all for some misguided 'game'.

Now she's incredibly upset, feels like I've completely betrayed her trust, and says she can't believe I would resort to such tactics. She's saying this isn't about spark; it's about manipulation and a total lack of respect. I truly thought I was doing something to improve our relationship, to bring back a lost element, but now I'm wondering if I completely crossed a line. AITA?

The desire to keep a relationship vibrant and exciting is entirely understandable and even commendable. Many couples struggle with the natural ebb and flow of passion over time, and actively seeking ways to reignite that spark is a healthy impulse. However, the method chosen by our anonymous poster immediately raises significant red flags. Employing manipulation and calculated jealousy, particularly involving an ex, is a deeply problematic approach, regardless of the stated intention to 'keep the spark alive.'

The partner's reaction is entirely justified here. When a partner discovers that their significant other has been secretly engaging with an ex's social media, not out of benign curiosity, but with the explicit goal of eliciting a jealous response, it shatters trust. It implies a lack of respect and a willingness to play games with their partner's emotions. Such actions can make the partner feel like a pawn in a scheme rather than a cherished individual in a loving relationship.

There are countless healthy and constructive ways to bring excitement back into a marriage. Open and honest communication about feelings of complacency, planning new experiences together, dedicating quality time to each other, seeking couples therapy, or even simply expressing appreciation more often are all vastly superior options. These methods build intimacy and trust, rather than eroding them through covert operations and emotional manipulation.

Ultimately, while the original poster may have believed they were acting to 'improve' their relationship, the impact of their actions was the exact opposite. Trust is the bedrock of any strong relationship, and once broken, it is incredibly difficult to repair. Resorting to tactics that deliberately cause emotional distress or insecurity is a form of emotional abuse, which can have long-lasting, damaging effects far beyond a temporary 'spark.'

The Internet Weighs In: Spark or Self-Sabotage?

The comments section for this post was, as expected, a resounding chorus of 'You're The Asshole.' Users were quick to point out the deeply manipulative nature of the original poster's actions, emphasizing that a healthy 'spark' does not involve intentionally making your partner insecure or jealous. The overwhelming sentiment was that trust, once broken by such calculated deception, is incredibly difficult to rebuild, and that this approach was entirely counterproductive to his stated goal.

Many commenters highlighted the sheer immaturity of the original poster's plan, suggesting that direct communication about wanting more excitement would have been the appropriate adult response. The idea that 'a little jealousy' would somehow magically improve intimacy was widely dismissed as naive and harmful. The general consensus pointed towards serious relationship issues stemming from a fundamental misunderstanding of respect and honest connection.

This AITA post serves as a potent reminder that healthy relationships are built on communication, trust, and mutual respect, not on manipulation or mind games. While the desire to keep a relationship exciting is valid, the methods used to achieve that goal truly matter. Deliberately stirring up jealousy, especially with an ex, is a destructive path that almost always leads to further distance and hurt, rather than bringing partners closer. For this couple, the road to recovery will require genuine apologies, open dialogue, and a commitment to building a foundation of honesty moving forward.