AITA for refusing to go down on my girlfriend because her taste changed after she started eating more meat and it grosses me out?
Welcome back to another edition of 'AITA Unpacked,' where we delve into the intricate and often awkward corners of human relationships. Today's story touches on a particularly sensitive subject: intimacy and personal preferences, especially when those preferences shift due to external factors. It's a tricky tightrope walk between honesty and compassion, and our OP finds themselves caught right in the middle.
Intimacy is a cornerstone for many relationships, but what happens when something fundamental changes? Our OP presents a scenario where their girlfriend's dietary choices have inadvertently impacted their physical closeness, leading to a rather uncomfortable personal dilemma. The question isn't just about what's fair, but also about how to navigate these deeply personal boundaries without causing irreparable harm to the relationship.
"AITA for refusing to go down on my girlfriend because her taste changed after she started eating more meat and it grosses me out?"
My girlfriend and I have been together for three years, and our intimacy has always been amazing. She was vegetarian for most of our relationship, and I always thoroughly enjoyed going down on her. It was something we both cherished and found very pleasurable. About six months ago, however, she decided to reintroduce meat into her diet, initially just chicken and fish, but eventually red meat too. She cited health reasons and wanting to try new things as her motivation, and I was supportive of her choices.
Initially, I didn't think much of it, assuming it wouldn't impact anything between us. However, after a few weeks of her consistently eating meat, I started to notice a significant change in her natural scent and taste, particularly in her intimate areas. What used to be neutral and pleasant to me slowly became something I found off-putting and frankly, a bit gross. I tried to ignore it at first, pushing through my discomfort because I didn't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel self-conscious. But it reached a point where I just couldn't bring myself to do it anymore.
For a couple of months, I'd make excuses, saying I was tired or just wasn't in the mood for oral. She picked up on it, of course. She's not stupid. One night, she confronted me, asking if everything was okay, and if I was still attracted to her. I knew I had to be honest, as difficult as it was. I explained, as gently as I could, that I'd noticed a change since she started eating meat, and that I found the new taste and scent difficult to get past. I emphasized that it wasn't *her* but the *change* that was the issue.
She was deeply hurt. She got very quiet, then started crying, saying she felt undesirable and that I was basically telling her her body was disgusting. I tried to reassure her, telling her it was just a personal preference, like some people don't like certain foods, but it didn't help. She felt completely rejected. Now, our intimate life is strained, and she's distant. I feel terrible for hurting her, but I also genuinely can't bring myself to do something that grosses me out. AITA?
This is a classic 'no easy answers' scenario, highlighting the delicate balance between personal boundaries and relationship needs. On one hand, OP is absolutely entitled to their own physical preferences and bodily autonomy. No one should be coerced into performing any sexual act that genuinely grosses them out or makes them uncomfortable. Forcing oneself can lead to resentment and further damage intimacy in the long run, creating a performative rather than genuine connection.
However, the girlfriend's feelings of rejection are also completely valid and understandable. When intimacy is impacted by something like a partner's personal preference, it can feel incredibly personal, even if the intent isn't to be hurtful. Her body has changed due to her dietary choices, and to have that change result in a withdrawal of a cherished intimate act could easily lead to feelings of insecurity, unworthiness, and deep sadness. This isn't just about taste; it's about feeling desired and accepted.
The way this conversation was handled also plays a significant role. While honesty is crucial, the delivery of such sensitive information is paramount. OP tried to be gentle, but the impact was still devastating. Perhaps there could have been a way to frame it that focused more on OP's internal struggle and less on the perceived 'flaw' of the girlfriend's taste, or to explore solutions together rather than simply stating a refusal.
Ultimately, this situation requires immense empathy and open communication from both sides. For the relationship to recover, both OP and the girlfriend need to acknowledge each other's feelings without invalidating them. Is there a compromise? Can other forms of intimacy be explored? Can the girlfriend adjust her diet again, or would that be an unfair expectation? The path forward likely involves therapy and a lot of honest, difficult conversations.
The Verdict Is In: Can Love Conquer Dietary Differences and Disgust?
The comment section on this one exploded, as expected! Many users sided with OP, emphasizing the principle of bodily autonomy. The consensus among these commenters was that no one is obligated to perform any sexual act they are uncomfortable with, regardless of the reason. They pointed out that preferences are personal and not always controllable, likening it to not liking a certain food, and that forcing oneself would only lead to resentment. They also highlighted that OP's honesty, while painful, was better than continued deception.
On the flip side, a significant portion of the comments came down hard on OP, labeling them as 'The Asshole.' These users focused on the emotional impact on the girlfriend, arguing that OP's honesty, while true, was delivered without enough sensitivity, causing immense emotional harm. They suggested that OP made her feel 'disgusting' and 'undesirable,' which could have lasting effects on her self-esteem and their relationship. Some even questioned if OP truly loved her if such a minor change could cause such a strong aversion.
This AITA story serves as a poignant reminder that even in the most intimate parts of a relationship, boundaries and personal comfort are paramount. While OP's honesty was a difficult pill to swallow for their girlfriend, the underlying issue of differing preferences required addressing. The comments highlight the divide between prioritizing individual comfort versus the emotional impact on a partner. Ultimately, navigating such sensitive topics requires not just honesty, but immense empathy, open dialogue, and a willingness to explore compromises, perhaps even with professional guidance, to maintain a loving and respectful connection.
