AITA for hoping my wife’s dementia progresses rapidly so she forgets every cruel thing I’ve done and I can keep her as a compliant shell?
Hold onto your hats, folks, because today's AITA submission is a deeply unsettling dive into the darker corners of human nature. We often grapple with moral quandaries, but this one pushes boundaries many of us didn't even know existed. The original poster (OP) lays bare a thought so chilling, it demands a collective gasp and a serious ethical reckoning. Prepare yourselves for a tale that explores guilt, memory, and a profoundly disturbing form of self-preservation.
The story challenges us to consider the value of memory, not just for the individual experiencing its loss, but for those around them. What happens when a loved one's decline offers a perverse 'opportunity' for another to escape accountability? This isn't merely about past wrongs; it's about a present, active wish that weaponizes a cruel disease for personal peace. It's a heavy one, but an important conversation to have, so let's unpack this unsettling confession together.
"AITA for hoping my wife’s dementia progresses rapidly so she forgets every cruel thing I’ve done and I can keep her as a compliant shell?"
I've been wrestling with a truly shameful thought, and I need to know if I'm a monster. My spouse was recently diagnosed with advanced dementia. It’s been heartbreaking to watch the person I've shared decades with slowly fade, their vibrant mind now a shifting landscape of confusion and forgotten moments. But amidst the grief, another feeling has surfaced, one that I can barely admit even to myself. It started as a whisper, a dark flicker in the back of my mind, a perverse sense of… relief. Not for my spouse, but for me. For the possibility of escape from my own past.
You see, our relationship wasn't always kind. I made many mistakes, inflicted deep emotional wounds, and often prioritized my own selfish desires over their happiness. There were betrayals, arguments, and countless instances where I was the source of their pain. Now, as I watch them struggle to recall yesterday's breakfast, I find myself thinking about how much of our shared history is also being erased. The arguments, the tears, the disappointment—all potentially gone. The thought that they might forget every cruel thing I’ve done, every hurtful word, every instance of my neglect, is terrifyingly alluring. It would mean absolution without repentance, a clean slate I don't deserve but desperately crave. And the more their memory slips away, the more I find myself actively *hoping* it progresses rapidly.
I know how monstrous that sounds. To wish for a faster decline of a loved one, not out of mercy, but out of self-interest. My spouse is still physically present, but their mind is slowly retreating. They're becoming more pliable, less confrontational, less aware of the painful past we shared. It’s a terrible thing to admit, but I envision a future where they are a kind of compliant shell, a gentle presence who no longer carries the burden of my past transgressions. Someone who simply exists, accepts, and perhaps even smiles at me without a hint of the deep hurt I inflicted.
I could be the 'good' partner then, the devoted caregiver, the one who never wronged them. The world would see me as loving, and my spouse would have no memory to contradict it. It's a fantasy built on their suffering, a grotesque desire for a fresh start at their expense. Am I an awful human being for even entertaining this thought, for actively hoping for such a dark outcome, all to assuage my own unbearable guilt and reshape my reality?
This submission is, without a doubt, one of the most morally challenging we’ve encountered. The raw honesty of the original poster (OP) in confessing such a dark and disturbing desire is staggering. While the human mind can sometimes wander into incredibly complex and uncomfortable territory, the active hope for a loved one's rapid cognitive decline for purely selfish reasons raises profound questions about empathy, accountability, and the very definition of love within a relationship.
The OP is clearly grappling with immense guilt over past cruelties inflicted upon their spouse. This internal struggle is palpable, yet the proposed solution—wishing for their spouse to become a 'compliant shell' stripped of memory—is a deeply troubling manifestation of that guilt. Instead of seeking atonement through genuine apology or by living with the consequences of their actions, the OP seeks a perverse form of absolution by erasing the victim's capacity to remember the pain they caused.
A person living with dementia, no matter how advanced, retains their inherent dignity and worth. To view them as a potential 'compliant shell' for one's own emotional convenience is to strip away their humanity, reducing them to an object. This perspective is not only callous but fundamentally misunderstands the nature of caregiving and respect. The spouse's decline is a tragedy, not an opportunity for the OP to rewrite their personal history at the cost of another's identity.
Ultimately, the OP’s confession leans heavily towards 'You're The A**hole.' While acknowledging their struggle with guilt is a first step, the active desire for their spouse's accelerated suffering for self-serving reasons is abhorrent. True reconciliation or peace must come from within, through confronting one's past and accepting responsibility, not by wishing for the tragic erasure of another person's entire lived experience and memories, however painful they might be.
The Verdict is In: A Shockwave of Moral Outrage!
The comment section, predictably, erupted with a powerful and almost unanimous condemnation of the original poster's (OP) thoughts. Users expressed profound shock and disgust at the confession, labeling it as one of the most depraved sentiments they had ever encountered on the platform. Many struggled to comprehend how someone could harbor such a wish, emphasizing the inherent cruelty of desiring a loved one's decline for personal gain rather than out of compassion or mercy. The consensus was clear: a resounding 'YTA'.
While the overwhelming majority were unequivocal in their judgment, some users cautiously approached the topic from a psychological perspective, suggesting the OP's guilt might be so immense it's manifesting in this twisted way, perhaps even indicating a need for professional help. However, even these nuanced takes did not absolve the OP of culpability. The core takeaway remained that wishing for another's suffering, even if it's 'forgetting,' to escape personal accountability is a fundamentally selfish and morally reprehensible act.
This story serves as a stark reminder that true moral reckoning requires confronting our past with courage and integrity, not through the tragic erasure of another person's identity. The OP’s confession, while disturbing, opens a crucial dialogue about accountability, empathy, and the sacred trust within relationships, even in the face of devastating illness. May we all strive for compassion and dignity, especially when those around us are at their most vulnerable.
