AITA for hoping my wife’s next miscarriage happens so I don’t have to pretend I want another child with her?

Oh boy, do we have a heavy one for you today. This post landed in our inbox like a lead balloon, instantly grabbing our attention with its raw, shocking title. It delves into the absolute darkest corners of human thought, the kind of secret internal monologue many would be ashamed to admit, even to themselves. It’s a stark reminder that relationships, especially under immense pressure and grief, can push individuals to emotional extremes.

This isn't just about a disagreement over having more children; it's about the profound anguish, unvoiced desires, and the deep, silent suffering that can fester when communication breaks down entirely. The author's confession is deeply disturbing on the surface, but like most AITA posts, there's a tangled web of underlying emotions and circumstances that need to be carefully unpicked. Get ready, because this one is going to spark some intense debate.

"AITA for hoping my wife’s next miscarriage happens so I don’t have to pretend I want another child with her?"

My partner and I have been together for a decade, married for seven. We have one amazing child, who is currently six. For me, one child was always enough. I was content, fulfilled, and ready to focus on raising the child we have to the best of my ability. My partner, however, always envisioned a larger family. After our child was born, she started talking about trying for another, and I always somewhat reluctantly agreed, hoping she'd eventually let it go.

We started trying about three years ago, and it's been a nightmare. She's had three miscarriages in that time. Each one devastated her, and understandably so. I was supportive, held her, grieved with her, because that's what a good partner does. But internally, with each miscarriage, a terrible, dark part of me felt a twisted sense of relief. I felt awful for it, but the thought persisted, a small, insidious voice.

Now, she's pregnant again, just found out a few weeks ago. The excitement on her face is palpable, but I just feel dread. I am so tired of this cycle, so tired of pretending I want this, pretending I’m not exhausted by the constant emotional rollercoaster. The pressure to keep trying has been immense. Every failed attempt is a heartbreak for her, but a secret reprieve for me. I can’t tell her any of this, because it would crush her. But the thought, the dark, awful thought, is back: I'm hoping this pregnancy doesn't make it to term, so I don't have to go through this again.

I know how abhorrent this sounds. I really do. I hate myself for even thinking it. I know she desperately wants this and has suffered so much. But I feel trapped. I never wanted more children, and I've been giving in to her desire for years, silently dreading each attempt, and each subsequent, inevitable discussion about trying again. I'm not sure how much more I can take of this emotional dishonesty and the constant pressure to expand our family when my heart isn't in it. Am I the absolute worst person alive for this internal wish?

This post dives straight into one of the most taboo areas of human experience: having a thought so dark and selfish, it feels unforgivable. On the surface, hoping for a miscarriage is a truly horrific sentiment, and it's understandable why the original poster (OP) feels like a monster. However, it's crucial to distinguish between a fleeting, awful thought born of desperation and an active, malicious intent. The OP's internal struggle and self-loathing suggest this is a cry for help, not a declaration of evil.

From the partner's perspective, her journey through multiple miscarriages is undeniably heartbreaking. Her longing for another child is powerful and deeply personal. She is experiencing profound grief and hope, entirely unaware of the chasm growing between her and OP. Her focus is on the potential new life, and the idea that her partner harbors such a secret wish would be utterly devastating, shattering the foundation of their relationship and trust.

The core issue here appears to be a monumental failure in communication. The OP initially

What the Internet is saying about this deeply conflicted partner…

The comments section on this post was, as expected, a whirlwind of raw emotion and divided opinions. Many users immediately condemned the original poster (OP), labeling the thoughts as monstrous and unforgivable. They emphasized the profound pain of miscarriage and the cruelty of such a sentiment, regardless of whether it was acted upon. The sheer shock factor of the title certainly drove a strong initial negative reaction from many readers.

However, a significant portion of the comments also tried to look beyond the surface, acknowledging the OP's profound distress and feeling of being trapped. They highlighted the importance of bodily autonomy and the danger of coercing a partner into having children they don't want. The consensus, even among those who found the thoughts abhorrent, was that the couple desperately needs therapy to unpack years of unspoken resentment and differing life goals.

This AITA story serves as a stark, albeit painful, reminder of the critical importance of open and honest communication in a relationship. While the original poster's thoughts are undeniably disturbing, they are symptomatic of a deeper rot: years of unaddressed desires, unmet expectations, and a profound lack of emotional truthfulness. This couple is at a crossroads where pretending is no longer sustainable. Whether they stay together or part ways, confronting these difficult truths is the only path forward for both their individual well-being and their shared future, especially for the sake of their existing child. Ignoring it will only lead to more heartbreak.