AITA for telling my boyfriend I only want quickies lately because his foreplay takes forever and I get bored waiting for him to “get it right”?
Oh boy, do we have a juicy one for you today! Intimacy in relationships can be a minefield, especially when expectations don't align. It's a delicate dance of giving and taking, understanding, and communicating needs. Our original poster (OP) has stumbled into a rather awkward situation, sharing a very blunt truth with their significant other.
This week's AITA post dives deep into the often unspoken frustrations that can simmer beneath the surface of a romantic connection. When one partner feels neglected or, in this case, simply *bored* by the other's attempts at closeness, how do you even begin to voice that without causing irreparable damage? Let's unpack this sticky wicket.
"AITA for telling my boyfriend I only want quickies lately because his foreplay takes forever and I get bored waiting for him to “get it right”?"
So, I've been with my partner for two years, and things are generally great. We have fun, we laugh, we support each other. But there's this one area where things have become…challenging. Our intimate moments have started feeling like a chore for me, specifically the lead-up.
My partner is very enthusiastic, which I appreciate, but the preliminary stuff just goes on and on. It's not that he's bad at it, exactly, but it just doesn't hit the mark for me, and after a certain point, I completely lose interest. I find myself just lying there, waiting for it to be over so we can get to the main event, or even just stop altogether. I've tried to give hints, like gently guiding his hand or saying things like, "I'm really excited for *this*," hoping he'd pick up on the urgency.
But the hints flew right over his head. Every time, it felt like an endurance test. The other night, after what felt like an eternity of uninspired attempts, I just couldn't take it anymore. We were in the middle of a moment, and I just blurted out that I only wanted quickies now because his foreplay takes forever and I get bored waiting for him to “get it right.”
His face just fell. He immediately pulled away and rolled over. The room went silent. I instantly regretted the bluntness, but honestly, I was just so frustrated in the moment. He hasn't really spoken much to me since, beyond necessities. He seems genuinely hurt, and now I feel terrible. AITA?
This situation is a classic example of how even the most loving couples can struggle with honest communication, especially around sensitive topics. On one hand, the original poster's frustration is understandable. Everyone deserves to feel pleasure and engaged during intimate moments, and feeling bored or like an act is dragging on can certainly diminish desire and create resentment.
However, the delivery of this message is where things get tricky. While honesty is generally the best policy, the words chosen were undeniably harsh and likely deeply wounding. To tell a partner they are boring or taking too long, especially during an intimate act, can severely damage their confidence and make them hesitant to try in the future. Their partner was clearly trying to connect.
The partner's reaction of withdrawal and hurt is entirely valid. It takes a lot of vulnerability to engage in physical intimacy, and to have efforts dismissed or criticized so bluntly can feel like a profound rejection. It suggests that their attempts, which were likely meant to please, were not only unsuccessful but actively annoying. This is a tough pill for anyone to swallow.
Moving forward, the focus needs to be on repair and a more constructive approach to communication. Instead of what *not* to do, expressing what *does* feel good, or suggesting trying new things, could have led to a much different outcome. This incident highlights the need for open, but gentle, dialogue about physical preferences in a relationship.
The internet weighs in: Is blunt honesty always the best policy in the bedroom?
The comments section for this one was, as expected, a whirlwind of opinions! Many users sympathized with the original poster's underlying frustration. They argued that it's important to be honest about what you enjoy, even if it's difficult, and that feeling bored during intimacy can be a real issue that needs addressing for a healthy relationship. The sheer duration of the 'lead-up' was a common point of contention.
On the flip side, a significant number of commenters called out the OP for the insensitive delivery. They emphasized that while the message might have some truth, the manner in which it was conveyed was unkind and damaging. Many suggested alternative, more constructive ways to communicate desires without hurting a partner's feelings, like focusing on positive feedback or suggesting new activities together.
This AITA story serves as a potent reminder that communication is the bedrock of any healthy relationship, especially when it comes to intimacy. While honesty is crucial, the *way* we deliver difficult truths can make all the difference between a productive conversation and a deeply wounding confrontation. Learning to express desires and frustrations with empathy and a focus on solutions, rather than blame, is a skill worth cultivating for a fulfilling connection. Here's hoping this couple can heal and learn to speak each other's intimate language.
