AITA for confessing I cheated multiple times but only because “she gained weight and stopped trying in bed”?
Welcome back, dear readers, to another deep dive into the complex world of relationship ethics and questionable decisions. Today's submission brings a familiar yet always shocking dilemma to the forefront: infidelity. It's a scenario that often leaves us questioning the very foundations of trust and commitment, and the reasons behind such actions can spark intense debate among our community.
This particular story arrives with a rather controversial justification, one that's bound to ignite strong opinions on all sides. The poster has admitted to cheating multiple times, but attempts to frame their actions as a direct consequence of perceived changes in their partner. Get ready to dissect the layers of blame, responsibility, and hurt in this incredibly raw and challenging AITA post.
"AITA for confessing I cheated multiple times but only because "she gained weight and stopped trying in bed"?"
My partner and I have been together for over seven years, married for five. We used to have an incredibly active and passionate relationship, both emotionally and physically. I always thought we had a strong bond, the kind that could weather any storm. However, over the past couple of years, things started to change, slowly at first, then more noticeably. My partner began to gain weight, which, while not a dealbreaker on its own, seemed to coincide with a significant drop in their interest in intimacy and overall effort in our shared life. It felt like the spark was dying, and I was the only one trying to fan the flames. I tried to talk about it a few times, gently at first, suggesting we work out together or plan more date nights to rekindle things, but the conversations never seemed to lead anywhere productive. The responses were often dismissive, or my partner would get upset, feeling attacked.
As the physical and emotional distance grew, I started to feel increasingly lonely and undesirable in our own home. I craved the connection we once had, and the lack of it began to take a toll on my self-esteem and happiness. I started looking for that validation elsewhere, falling into a pattern of seeking comfort outside our relationship. This eventually led to me cheating, not just once, but multiple times over the past year. The guilt was eating me alive, especially after a particularly stressful argument where my partner accused me of being distant. I couldn't bear the deception anymore, so I confessed everything.
The confession was brutal, as expected. My partner was devastated, angry, and completely heartbroken. But then, when pressed for *why* I did it, I explained my feelings, stating that their weight gain and perceived lack of effort in the bedroom had created an unbearable void that I felt I had to fill. I said I felt neglected and undesirable, and that I'd tried to communicate my concerns before, but nothing changed. I know it sounds like I'm trying to justify it, but in my mind, I was just explaining the progression of my feelings and actions.
Now my partner is saying I'm the biggest jerk on the planet for not only cheating but for blaming them for it. Their family is also furious, calling me vile for my 'reasons.' They argue that regardless of their changes, cheating was never an acceptable response and that shifting the blame is disgusting. I truly felt unheard and neglected before, but now I'm wondering if I went too far by explaining it that way and if I really am the asshole for confessing my 'reasons' for cheating.
This story presents a classic, albeit painful, scenario where a relationship falters, and one partner seeks comfort elsewhere. The core issue here is the betrayal of trust inherent in cheating. Regardless of the underlying marital problems, infidelity is a choice that bypasses direct communication, couples counseling, or ultimately, separation. It introduces a level of pain and damage that is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to repair, fundamentally altering the relationship dynamic.
The poster's attempt to contextualize their cheating by blaming their partner's weight gain and perceived lack of effort in the bedroom is where the situation becomes particularly charged. While it's valid for someone to feel neglected or undesirable in a relationship, these feelings do not absolve them of responsibility for their actions. Attributing blame to the partner's physical changes or intimacy levels can be deeply hurtful and suggests a lack of personal accountability for the decision to cheat.
It's crucial to acknowledge that relationship issues, including changes in appearance, libido, or emotional investment, are complex and require open, honest communication. If one partner feels unheard or unsatisfied, there are constructive ways to address these concerns. These include initiating serious conversations, seeking professional help like couples therapy, or, if all else fails, making the difficult decision to end the relationship before engaging in betrayal.
In this case, the confession of cheating was already a massive blow. Adding the 'reasons' that directly criticize the partner's body and effort, even if they were the poster's genuine feelings, likely exacerbated the pain and made it feel like a personal attack rather than an explanation. The question isn't whether the poster felt neglected, but whether their chosen method of addressing that neglect was justifiable, and whether their explanation compounded the harm.
What the Internet Says: Diving into the Digital Verdict!
The comments section on a story like this is always a powder keg, and I expect nothing less this time around. We'll likely see a strong chorus of 'You're The Asshole' (YTA) verdicts, as cheating is broadly condemned, especially when accompanied by blaming the victim. Many will point out the readily available alternatives to infidelity, such as honest communication or ending the relationship.
However, it's also possible some users might try to understand the underlying frustrations, perhaps offering 'Everyone Sucks Here' (ESH) if they believe the partner also contributed to the relationship's decline by dismissing concerns. Nevertheless, the act of cheating and the specific 'reasons' cited are likely to dominate the discussion, with most focusing on the poster's accountability and the immense hurt caused.
This case clearly illustrates the profound damage caused by infidelity, especially when paired with blame. While genuine feelings of neglect can arise in a relationship, the responsibility for how one addresses those feelings lies squarely with the individual. Cheating bypasses all avenues for healthy resolution, and shifting accountability only deepens the wound. Moving forward, the path to healing, if one even exists for this couple, will require immense self-reflection and a genuine understanding of the harm inflicted, without any further attempts to justify the unforgivable.
