AITA for suggesting that my brother and his fiancée bring out a cake at midnight on their wedding day for our grandma’s 80th birthday?
A user on Reddit considered honoring their grandmother’s 80th birthday with a midnight cake during their brother’s wedding, a gesture made more meaningful by her flexibility with the wedding date. While the brother initially supported the plan, his fiancée opposed it, viewing it as an intrusion and a distraction from her “special day.”
The user on Reddit is experiencing internal conflict, particularly given that the grandmother had altered her celebratory event to align with the wedding weekend. See the complete account detailed further below.
‘ AITA for suggesting that my brother and his fiancée bring out a cake at midnight on their wedding day for our grandma’s 80th birthday?’
My older brother will be marrying his partner on July 20th, a date decided upon and announced to the family in January. July 21st marks our grandma’s 80th birthday. Coming from a family of women who haven’t lived beyond 80, this is a significant milestone for her, and she declared last year her wish for an extravagant, weekend-long celebration.
When my brother revealed his wedding date, she was the first to respond with understanding, especially since he had completely overlooked her 80th birthday arrangements when choosing the wedding date. They had already made multiple deposits before the announcement, so requesting a date change, even by a week, to accommodate grandma was not an option.
Grandma put her foot down. She opted for a laid-back, chill Sunday dinner since my brother and his future wife are planning a post-wedding brunch that same day for family and the wedding party.
My mother and I were discussing how enjoyable it would be if, as a surprise, the grandkids presented our grandmother with a cake at the stroke of midnight. Following this, the band could play her favorite tune, allowing us to share a dance with her. Because she chose our wedding over a large birthday celebration, we felt this would be a great way to include this big moment in the weekend’s festivities.
I phoned my brother right away to tell him about the concept, and he was thrilled with it. He even suggested that we give the cake an English motif since my mother, my brother and I are taking her to England in September as a gift, a lifelong ambition of hers.
He was enamored with it, right up until he wasn’t, which coincided with a conversation with his fiancée. A phone call followed, during which he announced the “cake arrangement for grandma” was canceled. Later that evening, I got a message from his fiancée, who claimed I should have sought her approval and that I was acting inconsiderately, impolitely, and self-centeredly by interfering with her important occasion.
It’s her birthday, not my brother’s or theirs. She appears to be a kind individual, and we have a good relationship despite not being very close. However, I thought it made sense to reach out to my brother because it’s also his wedding and his grandmother, not hers.
I replied that it was also my brother’s birthday and that he was originally very excited about it. I also mentioned that I didn’t like being accused of interfering, especially since my mother and I had completely respected her and her mother’s planning of the wedding, even though my parents were helping to pay for it.
She was saddened by her complete exclusion, especially since she only desired updates. Despite the reception’s 2 AM end time, she would have inevitably become the focal point by midnight.
It’s improbable that someone will emerge from her wedding cake to propose to someone else. My message led to a phone call from my brother, who essentially stated that the discussion was finished because I had crossed the line. Am I the bad guy?
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Sebscreen − NTA. Your kind, loving 80-year-old grandma, who has already expressed how this is a historic and meaningful moment for her, is more important than your e**itled SIL who would already have a full day of attention under her belt by then.
Proceed to arrange enjoyable celebrations involving your grandmother and her relatives, excluding your sister-in-law and brother. Given her explicit hostility toward those funding her wedding and who hold significance for her spouse, any previous considerations are now invalid.
DjTotenkopf − You’re not TA for suggesting it, but definitely YTA for arguing it afterwards and for coming here clearly still trying to prove your own point to yourself. It’s her wedding to your brother: you can’t expect someone to let you borrow her wedding for your own event. This is the most important event in some people’s lives, they get to have whatever celebration they want.
Even though your brother gave his blessing, if it’s not a mutual desire, it’s best to let it go and offer an apology. You’ve crossed a line. If you’re looking to do something thoughtful for your grandmother, organize a specific occasion for her rather than incorporating it into a wedding.
SnooRadishes8848 − YTA, your post, your comments, this is less about honoring your grandma, then trashing the bride All you had to do was ask both of them together, also I’ve learned from on here
Prize-Bumblebee-2192 − YTA. It’s a nice sentiment but it’s not your party so you don’t get a say if your idea is ultimately turned down. Your brother made his choice as well.
CosmicPolaris − YTA. Jesus you and your family sound annoying. You are trying to hijack the wedding out of pure jealously. Your grandmother has already said what she wanted. You all need to listen for once.
WorldAsChaos − Of all of the posts over the years that I’ve read that have to do with a similar situation (proposals, birthdays, pregnancy, etc.) this is the only one that I’ve seen with a clear YES answer.
As the marrying couple, I would honestly feel less bad about taking over the day if we also got to honor such an important person. It would be yet another display of my family’s affection on a happy occasion. This person on Reddit hopes your grandmother has a wonderful birthday and many more years of health and happiness!
sunny-ice485 − Most of these comments seem to be putting words in your mouth that you did not express. You suggested, brother liked but got vetoed by bride. Ok, you weren’t happy but said nothing and kept it to yourself.
The bride became irritated when you proposed a birthday cake for your grandmother’s significant birthday (after she had to change her plans to attend their wedding – something she’d already begun organizing), and you simply stood up for yourself.
It’s easy to see why your brother would want to let it go, but it seems like your future sister-in-law will be difficult to deal with. NTA. I completely agree with those who say you shouldn’t use a wedding for a different celebration, which is why you got permission first. Based on your comments, your brother was the one who became enthusiastic about the cake design, etc.; it wasn’t you planning a separate birthday celebration for midnight.
seschlo − NTA! Something similar happened to me with my wedding. We got married on a Tuesday at the courthouse because that day was special to us. We had the church wedding and big party the following weekend. It happened to fall on my FILs birthday.
My spouse’s sister made a small cake, and everyone there sang happy birthday to him. He was really moved. It made me so glad to be able to do that for him. It’s a shame your future sister-in-law can’t find 2 minutes to acknowledge a cherished family member.
Excellent-Count4009 − YTA. You are an AH for proposing that. They will – rightfully – have other priorities in their wedding night. “I also told her I didn’t appreciate her accusing me of meddling ” .. there is no accusing – she CAUGHT you trying to manipulate her husband to be into ruining their wedding night.
She’s justified in calling you out for your behavior, and it’s positive that your brother realized the truth. “My text led to a phone call from my brother, who essentially said the conversation was over because I crossed a line.” That’s a good thing. He’s managing you appropriately. Stop interfering in this way, or they may need to withdraw your invitation to the wedding and remove you from their lives.
Owl_button − NTA Nana wanted a birthday weekend bash and now she can’t even have her favorite song played and a cake?
Was the Redditor’s advice excessive, or was it a considerate approach to acknowledge important family events? Would a subtle birthday acknowledgement during the wedding festivities be disruptive? Post your opinions below!
