AITA for refusing to let my family meet my daughter after all of them dropped out my wedding upon finding out my wife was pregnant?

A man refuses to let his conservative Christian family meet his newborn daughter after they abandoned his wedding due to his wife being pregnant at the time. His family now claims they want to be involved in his daughter’s life, but he’s unwilling to move past their earlier rejection. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to let my family meet my daughter after all of them dropped out my wedding upon finding out my wife was pregnant?’

I was raised in a devout Christian household. My relatives have all been employed by or actively involved in religious institutions. Upon meeting my wife, they welcomed her warmly and treated her like family. We were together for two years before getting engaged, and shortly afterward, we found out she was expecting.

Invitations had been sent out, so we chose to proceed with the wedding as planned, even though my wife was five months pregnant. My family was outraged upon learning about her pregnancy and questioned whether we would still go through with the wedding.

I agreed to it, but they were very disturbed, especially my parents, who emphasized their long-standing reputation for propriety and strong Christian principles and were unwilling to allow this “blemish” to tarnish their image. They were referring to my wife and me getting married while she was expecting.

They formally withdrew and declined to discuss the matter further, declaring the situation unchangeable. They asserted that I alone was responsible for the result and ought to relocate the wedding outside the city. I was pained and attempted to persuade them otherwise, even consulting with other individuals involved;

My sibling claimed he didn’t want to appear foolish to his religious peers and quit, my aunt feigned illness, suggesting she might be absent, despite being perfectly well, my cousin cited a work obligation, preventing his spouse and children from going, and my uncle verbally abused me, destroyed the invite, and threw me out.

I was devastated by the absence of my family at my wedding, as I had no close relatives to lean on or celebrate with. I even cried after the ceremony. I hadn’t been in contact with them for months, and then I became preoccupied with my newborn daughter. My cousin contacted me to deliver presents and congratulations on the birth of my daughter from my family.

I gave everything back. He spoke to me as a representative of the family, expressing that I was wrong to return presents from family members who desire a relationship with my daughter and wish to be a part of her life. He conveyed that my mother is eager to meet her granddaughter, and the rest of the family hopes to come soon to celebrate her birth.

I put the question to him, asking if my daughter wasn’t the cause for their wholesale desertion of my wedding. He responded with a resentful glare as I continued, detailing how they’d acted as if my daughter was a shameful secret (and I know my daughter will eventually inquire about the wedding, and I won’t deceive her).

He responded, insisting I was completely mistaken and regardless of our issues, I can’t dispute that my daughter is their granddaughter/niece/etc, and they are her family. He requested a visit, but I declined. He persisted, but I remained firm. My wife suggests allowing them to visit, but I continue to disagree.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

GreekAmericanDom −  NTA. Let your family know that like a good Christian, you are willing to forgive, BUT… They have sinned against you and God.
Jesus’s highest teaching after loving God is to love everyone as He loves us. Including *sinners*, non-believers, and enemies. *Their* actions toward you were not about love, but *ego* and pride.

They prioritized external perceptions over genuine affection for you and your family. *Jesus* also advocated for non-judgment, as exemplified by the saying, “Let he who is without sin throw the first stone.” Yet, they readily condemned.

Let them understand that, in your opinion, you’ve strived to be righteous before God and owe them no apologies. Have they done the same? Keep your distance until they offer a sincere apology, explicitly acknowledging the ways they have harmed and wronged you and your wife.

FinanceRemarkable881 −  NTA. Keep them away from your daughter, you’re right – they are toxic. My friend has a similar thing happen, but let the family back into his life.

Years after the fact, he learned that his family had been taking his daughter aside, starting around age four and continuing until she was twelve or thirteen, to inform her that she was illegitimate and sinful. It was horrific. Upon discovering this, he promptly severed ties with his family once more, but it had a significantly damaging impact on his daughter for some time, until he sought therapy for her.

CadenceQuandry −  I personally think that they reap what they sow. Plain and simple. They ditched you as family because of your daughter. Now you need to protect her from them. What if they pull this on her? What if she does something they don’t like or they consider a stain on their reputation.

They forfeited the right to an acquaintance with her. They were the architects of that separation. It wasn’t your doing. It’s good they’re gone. (My own in-laws weaponize faith to manipulate, guilt-trip, and condemn me. Having distanced myself, my life is significantly improved by their absence, so I understand your perspective)

MysticalTurnip −  NTA. Actions have consequences. They chose their church facade over being supportive family members. They ruined the relationship. Now that there is a physical adorable baby they want to play with her.

Nah, man. You’re still in pain. Allow yourself time to recover, THEN determine if you want to re-establish a connection with your family. Congratulations on the birth of your child and your marriage.

GrymDraig −  NTA. I’d actually be worried if you *didn’t* protect your daughter from your incredibly toxic family. You’re absolutely doing the right thing.

Paindepiceaubeurre −  NTA, your cousin is g**lighting you hard and your family are a bunch of hypocrites. Their love for “appearances” were more important than supporting you and your wife. If they saw your daughter conception as something shameful then they have no right to be part of her life.

It establishes a problematic pattern where they believe they can exit your life whenever they disagree with your choices, expecting immediate forgiveness and acceptance upon their return.

I get the distinct impression that their desire to connect with your daughter stems from the buzz within their church regarding your separation. They’re trying to create a facade of familial bliss and present themselves as virtuous individuals. They can go to hell.

G8RTOAD −  NTA They chose to shame you and your wife over her being pregnant and now they learn the hard way that being a grandparent, Uncle, great aunt, great uncle and cousin is a privilege and not a given right and if they are going to be so disrespectful towards you

If they are distressed regarding this pregnancy and nuptials, then they are accountable for any future estrangement from you, your spouse, and your offspring. Your child does not require individuals in their life who exhibit disrespect toward her mother and father, irrespective of familial ties.

MotherOfCrotchFruit −  NTA. Have they not heard of Mary? Your family are the worst type of Christians. The kind that worry more about their reputation than actually acting like a Christian and now that your daughter is here they are trying to save face.

That’s not how things operate. They are all terrible, and unless they acknowledge their errors and express regret for their behavior toward you and your wife concerning your pregnancy and wedding, they can stay away.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. They cannot drop out of the wedding because your wife was pregnant and then act like nothing happened. That’s not very christian…

[Reddit User] −  NTA, they called your daughter a stain on their reputation they can go f**k off.

Is the Reddit user justified in shielding his daughter from relatives who previously made her feel like a disgrace, or should he prioritize familial harmony and offer them another opportunity? How would you handle this scenario? Let’s discuss.